more barcodes. Edit: and even more.

sorry; I got up and spent about half an hour walking up and down muttering "must open tag"

<injoke>

is tinned tuna good for you?

</injoke>

"What is the least suitable object on this good earth, be it animal, vegetable or mineral, to be barcoded with a Universal Product Code?"

...everything

/me builds a human-fit Warbeck and advances, menacingly on Rob with a pair of tongs :P

Imagine you're the chicken...

Your warbeck is planar?

Mine tends to be more torus-like. It makes it so much easier to attach it to the ostrich. Or, in the case of these warbecks, the llama.

Tumbleweed scutters across the vast, deserted plains of Warbeck.

The sound of a distant herd of borrowers, shepherded by attendant librarians, is briefly caught in a playful gust of wind, before fading back into obscurity once more.

Days have come and gone. Not a word, nor footstep has touched these arid lands for what seems an age. This place has stood still in time, save for the slow, relentless creeping of dust over the traces of the past.

The wind gusts once more, blowing the tumbleweed out of sight.

(Post... please? :P)

Normal service has (more or less) been resumed, save for the interesting rash (the arm one from college) having momentarilly returned. I am no longer working for ECS, or anyone else for that matter, and have no intention of becoming employed for the forseeable future. Work is too stressful for me - it makes me ill, hence I'm not doing it on medical grounds.

Oh, and ta, in advance, for the lift Jimbly.

hmm... this website scares me... it makes Fareham seem normal :P

Linda, Toby: I'll be picking you up around 6pm. Sorry I didn't reply, L, but I'm out of credit.

(Normal service will be resumed as soon as possumfull)

the pope.

no, wait, actually electronically tagging him's a bloody good idea. he does get lost so.

So, a poll for all you warbeckers.

What is the least suitable object on this good earth, be it animal, vegetable or mineral, to be barcoded with a Universal Product Code?

You know, if I don't do too much of this "work" thing, and don't eat, I might just break even...

Curse you, bus fares.

Wow. Everyone's getting jobs just as my lovely employers run out of work for me to do.

Does this mean you'll be a Rich Bitch too, like the Lovely Lidna will be?

Today has been odd. Long and odd.

I apparently have a job now, though true to ECS form, the specifications are sketchy, the timescale undefined and the goal seemingly unimportant. Oh well, at least they're offering to pay me :P

Ah, Powerbook, how I love thee - let me count the ways!

But not when you make irritating little farting noises out of your left speaker.

Or "chlamydia".

Perhaps it's only me who finds that one amusing.

My guitar actually works now, if anyone's interested. No? No? Oh well.

Looks like we weren't the only ones then...

At least it makes him update, I suppose?

Oh, and having just read "The Sky Is Falling In", I'm starting to realise that I find the phrase "the southern vectis omnibus company" funny in itself, not because of it's meaning. It's a funny word on it's own, like (say) "quadrangle". Or perhaps it's just the repetition of the phrase. I dunno.

i thought toby would like "two of Lidna down there " ;)

'Scuse the borkage folks - normal service will be resumed as soon as I've found my electric cattle prod/Blogger un-borker... ;)

We apologise for there being two of Lidna down there - blogger won't delete either one of them at the moment.

Put on stereoscopic glasses.

Interpreter is possibly overkill - even counted strings are not absolutely necessary. What I want to know is why they're still using old-stylee C string functions when there are safer ones? "I can do C and you can't, nah-nah?"

Well, you obviously can't do C, can you ;).

I mean, dammit. Is it too much to check buffer sizes first? C has one hell of a lot to answer for.

Like those damn curly brackets.

And I sort of agree with you with your second lot of points.

/me thinks about adopting Intentional Programming to be Idiot-proof Programming

Oh joy, yet another Remote Procedure Call glitch...

(Warning: Techiness ensues...)

Why do they not just run RPC under an interpreter? Think about it - if the string read/parse routines in RPC were run either in an interpreted language, or else just implemented using old Pascal style "counted" strings, rather than C++ null terminated ones, we would never get these problems in the first place!

Bloody OS designers - not one of them has got the right idea yet - Apple are close, but still haven't quite cracked it. Why can't they just get the hint?

Users want their systems to:

a) Work reliably, even in the hands of the least computer literate.
b) Run badly designed, cleverly marketed software, but not get viruses.
c) Look pretty.
d) Have plenty of options to keep power users happy, yet not bother novice users with complicated options.

Therefore, OS designers need to build OSen taking into consideration that:

a) All users should be treated as lunatics, and never be presented with any features that require common sense to use correctly - most users are devoid of common sense.
b) Viruses and software are produced by "users" themselves - usually the more insane and theoretically more intelligent type of user. Therefore no piece of code should be allowed more control over a system than a novice user with a one-button mouse - programmers have even less common sense than users.
c) At least half the legal department need re-training as graphic designers and artists - interior designers are always a bonus.
d) Everything that can be concievably configured without damaging anything should be configurable using a dialogue box - if a system has no "hidden options" then hackers lose interest. Any option that requires a jargon term or a reading age of more than 8 to understand should go under "Advanced" or "Admin only", but should still be available - tweakers love "Admin only" options.

Above all, make all options and procedures than can be reversed reversable. That way it's easier to fix.

At least, that's my take on the situation ;)

Careful of the RPC worm, folks.

I can post removal instructions if anyone's been hit.

Patching is vital, and to see if you've got it, search for "msblast" on your hard disc, as far as I can see.

Lidna - I've just watched this video of YMCA and there is one bloke, and five women dressed as men.

Don't know if that helps at all. You did ask.

Consider your luck thoroughly wished.

I have a guitar...

I'm going for a short holiday tomorrow, going wandering in the outside world. May be back at the weekend, wish me luck

We're going to get some strange searches off Google now...

Amen, Sir.

However I do wish that Banquo (that one at least) would refrain from making his soliloquies in French legalese :P

very well...

MACBETH. 'Twas a rough fight.
LENNOX. My former speeches have but hit your thoughts, Which can interpret farther; only I say Thing's have been strangely borne. The gracious Duncan have I murther'd, Put rancors in the Judicial District of York, Province of Ontario...

BANQUO. ...limitative les dommages directs ou indirects causés par des lésions corporelles, la perte de bénéfices commerciaux, l'interruption des affaires, la perte d'information commerciale ou toute autre perte pécuniaire) découlant de l'utilisation ou de vice de fabrication dans des conditions normales d'utilisation et d'entretien pour une période d'un (1) an à compter de la période de quatre-vingt-dix (90) jours à compter de la date de réception, et que (b) tout matériel de TeaselTree fourni avec le LOGICIEL sera substantiellement en conformité avec les documents écrits qui l'accompagnent pour une période de quatre-vingt-dix (90) jours à compter de la province d'Ontario et consent à instituer tout litige qui pourrait découler des présentes auprès des tribunaux situés dans le district judiciaire de York, province d'Ontario...

MACAROON CLAUSE. If this which now I am settled and bend up Each corporal agent to this terrible feat. Away, and mock the time That clogs me with this starting.

DOCTOR. Go to, go to; you have spoke, it may be distributed in the European Community, you may not apply to you. This Software License Agreement is governed by the perfectest report they were before. My pretty cousin, Blessing upon you!

LADY MACDUFF. Sirrah, your father's dead. And the right valiant Banquo walk'd too late, Whom, you may so hoodwink. We have scotch'd the snake, not kill'd it. She'll close and be herself, whilst our poor malice Remains in danger of her former tooth. But let the frame of things disjoint, both the worlds suffer, Ere we will keep ourself Till supper time alone. While then, God be with the HARDWARE is a traitor and must be known No less in truth than life. My first false speaking Was this upon myself. What I believe, I'll wall; What know, believe; and what I can redress, As I did leave 'em.

Don't forget the MACAROON CLAUSE.

Perhaps Ben can find the relevant quotation from Twelve Banquos, or I can find it in the GerbilStudio License Agreement...

hmm... mandatory rubberized garter belts for llamas...

What?

Anyone who suggests that THE FIRST RULE OF PW IS "YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT PW" will be shot repeatedly in the head by me.

Rule Three! There Is No Rule Three!

Somebody stop that senator descending on Angus! Yoda is bad enough, he's made with real milk, but Angus?? As for the Lady Macbeth disguise, you can get ointment for that you know.

As for Jimmy, I suggest you do not mash pilchard in ketchup, since it would probably resemble a nasty industrial accident involving several floor workers and a meat grinder if viewed too closely.

As you may have guessed folks, I'm back :P

(Rule #23 is of course: Never attempt activities detailed on the Warbeck without proper safety equipment. This includes mandatory rubberized garter belts for acts falling under subsections 4 and 7 of the Extreme Arc-Welding Handbook.)

no. cheesey POSTING ON THE STROKE OF MIDNIGHT

is scary enough.

So; t-shirt ideas. "KISS ME I'M A OILY FISH"? And a picture of two pilchards mating?

Or, "SUCK MY TWIN" and a little simplified logo of a woman shape with a conjoined fetus shape?

Forgive me. I'm tired. Sorry.

From "Thief of Time" by Terry Pratchett:

<<EOF
"Dojo! What is rule one?"

Even the cowering challenger mumbled along to the chorus:
"Do not act incautiously when confronting little bald wrinkly smiling men!"
EOF

sure, temporary.... in the grand scheme of things.

I think I should go rub my hands together in an evil yet oddly unscary way now.

I think we should have a Perkin Warbeck set of rules.

#1, anyone?

(I suggest rule #87 is just: "Ben.")

And I thought that was supposed to be a temporary namechange? I might as well update the redirects if you're going to leave it as #87?

if it weren't for you meddling kids...

I appear to be having a cold war regarding glasses. I'd post a picture but the filename's "chinese bouffant.JPG".

then two hours later he strikes back with spam.

From :  "Jimmy"  
To :  A8wv4@excite.com  
Subject :  ÷÷..Blind..Date...  
Date :  Fri Aug 8 10:58:17 2003 -0600

your fake addresses do not fool us. we know where you live.

at least, I'm sure we could find it, if you sort of dropped us off in the relevant cul-de-sac.

can I be the soviets? pleeeease?

Jean-Luc Pilchard....

To boldly varnish that which no man has varnished before...

(kinky!)

Varnish? Meet Pilchard.

Slippery.

Erotic gets boring rather quickly.

On the other hand, you can play at trying to catch your prospective partner with both of you on a frictionless surface all day, and at the end be too exhausted to have the erotic.

Alternatively, a tube of varnish can be made to last up to a week...

two words...

WET GLASS

it's confusing because there's no friction. at all. you can rub against it all you like, and you just slip. and you don't really feel much at all.

it's erotic in a kind of "complete sensory deprivation" kind of thingway? no, it isn't really. but it gives that brief novelty that i look for instead of erotic, because erotic is so... crude.

No, no, no.

It's the varnish.

That lovely fragrant varnish and wax.

So soft and transparent and wooden and ... living...

So smooth and warm.

Smelling of wood sawed on a summers day.

Some people do it with cuprinol, but that shrinks on drying. With pine wax you get a sheen that lasts.

Pine furniture?

Do i WANT to ask?

That's really quite odd. Do you, like, get off on the smell of pine sawdust and stuff? do you get little tubes of it and snort?

And I still don't get the rope thing either. What's with that? I can understand any fetish (almost) but that. That just confuses me.

The llama is now officially named Perkin Rufus Warbeck, when i have a photo i shall post it and hopefully we now have a maskot, if everyone agrees :)

i dunno, i go away for a few days and jimmy develops a pilchard and tomato sauce fetish :P

personally, i'd rather have pine furniture and a long length of rope... and toby, of course :P no fetish is complete without him.....i wish he wasn't in wales....

Haven't decided how to do it yet.

If I work out how, you can all have them.

If Rob gets one can I have one? ;)

Please, please, can I have a Blue Jam advent calendar? :p

Kids Toys with a grounding in reality. From the rather interesting portfolio site of Jac Higgins.

sure wont be long for him

wait, wait. you're not talking about bob the builder's cat, are you?

<blue jam>and a kind of a face, albeit scrawled out in magic marker and gashes, but it had no bones at all</blue jam>

There's a Blue Jam quote for every day of the year you know... I might do a Blue Jam Advent Calendar or something at Christmas

I'd have thought that by the time I'd finished with them it'd all be one big tomatoey pilchardy mess... you'd not be able to tell which way round it was origianlly; just a mass of sticky oily flesh and little tiny bones

better yet, fetishizing tomato sauce in pilchards.

Tangy.

Something makes me want to try out fetishizing pilchards in tomato sauce. Just, you know, to find out what it'd be like.

How strange is strange?

I mean, are we talking showers of pilchards in tomato sauce here, or just PURE ORNAGE?

News just in: Maersk-air has cheap flights from Gatwick Airport via Billund Airport to Aalborg Airport, less than £200 return for two weeks in the Danish summer weather (that would be an unpredictable mix of warmth, rain and other, more strange weather condition)

piece of paper slides in from the right

And we have just recieved this update: Mr. Alexander Smith has been confirmed as taking this trip on the 11th to the 25th of August. YAAY!

Muahahahahaha.

no.
no.
you're not going to scan in strawberries barcodes and replace the entire warbeck template with just that repeated over with a gap for the text, and half eating strawberries everywhere
and the words in lipstick at the bottom "jimmys lost strawberry virginity"

.... must fight urge to spam you with the numbers ...

ah but that's the thing. i can't remember those numbers, I don't think I'll be able to
Because I can't remember the order of numbers, only the numbers themselves

Five!
Four!
Three!

just kidding. They're the other way about.

Do you realise I'm going to have to not look at the page now?
I've almost ended up remembering it now
i know the first 7 digits and the last 3
there's just three in the middle that I'm blissfully ignorant of, the remnants of my Strawberry Virginity still just intact

Well, it's all convention. If you prefer:

The number for strawberries is 5000128345149. Therefore, that test is wrong.

Incidentally, and just to annoy jimmy, how to remember that number:

5000 is easy, as is 128. These are the prefix.

Then you have three consecutive integers starting at three

Followed by the first three square numbers.

Fear my useless-information-fu!

On second thoughts:

WAA !

You can't argue the non-existance of logical explanation and try to argue something logically at the same time, I think.

I'd have been much happier if you'd said, say:

WAA. Therefor this test is wrong.

It's more consistent. Or something like that. Which could possibly be why the 1 + 1 = 19 and square circles bit is in there, I guess...

That's logicalist, that test is! Whoever said the world made sense?

This is an online quiz to determine if your belief system is logically consistent, and I think it's great. (Yes - I'm illogical - I got a Direct Hit :P)

Ben: "There's an army of calamari marching through Brixton..."

HOUSE PARTY!

(yay)

I am doomed, not all of us.

I am home alone for 2 weeks on Monday means I may die through bordem.

ARGH!

We are doomed.

General note to all and sundry: (Especially the sundries - they have rubber washers)

I, along with the rest of the siblings and mother, are all off on a week-long jolly to Wales, commencing later today. If the Warbeck goes down for whatever reason, you'll just have to make do until I return (unless of course anyone wants to try teaching Mark how to reset the kit - probably a bad idea, don't try it :P).

See you all next week.

Errm... yes...

I see Mr Benji is tapping into the great reserves of Japanese alternative art available online. For what purposes we do not know - nor, I expect, do we wish to find out ;)

As for the llama, I presume "Perkin" would be a good suggestion. (It also has the dubious advantage of sounding like a mild "kink" - exactly how does one "perkin the llama"?)

(Note to Rob: Before you mention anything about "Warbecks", I would like to point out that they're theoretically reserved for birds. Even if you could fit one to a llama, the fact that llamas spit would no doubt necessitate a valve or two, turning it into a form of trumpet. Besides, this is a stuffed llama :P)

How about booger? Then you can tell people that he was a llama, but he was good so he got promoted to human status?