Proof that I am now completely out of touch with modern pop culture: I just misread someone's Bloc Party tshirt as saying "block parity". I thought it was just creased a bit so I couldn't see some letters.

Toby: because i'm likely to forget, this is the menu for the work christmas meal, we have to decide what we're having by mon 7th november

Starter

Thai Marinated Prawn Salad
on Cos Leaves garnished with a Tiger Prawn

New Forest Game Terrine
with Red Onion Marmalade

Watercress & Potato Soup
with Garlic Croutons

Main Course

Turkey Parcel filled with Sausagemeat & Smoked Bacon
served with Cranberry & Thyme Sauce

Grilled Sirloin Steak
with Wild Mushrooms, Baby Onions & Bacon Lardons in a Red Wine Sauce

Salmon, Cod & Smoked Haddock Wellington
with White Wine and Gruyere Sauce

Spinach & Ricotta Tortellini
with Sweet Chilli, Tomato & Herb Sauce

Dessert

Winter Berry Bavarois
with Whipped Cream

Double Chocolate Log
with Scotch Whiskey & Honey Cream

Traditional 'Figgy Pudding'
served with Brandy Sauce

toasted :/

I'm so hungry :P Didn't get a tea break today and my lunch isn't until 1:30, meh :P

well, it's closed and self-contained, don't think there's a lot to do though + it might smell a bit fishy ;)

Jimmy: I'm seeing wallace and grommit tomorrow with a friend from work which we've been going to do for ages, I should be free next week to go to the cinema with you, not sure what to see though

Sitting in department, I'm still not sure whether I want to be here or not. I mean, I like the company and the environment, but the work and structure just makes my heart sink. Actually, I'm not even sure it's that. I'm really not sure what it is about the here and now that makes me so glum, I just know it does.

I think it might have something to do with lack of purpose - everyone around me seems to have one, while I feel I have none. I can feel myself becoming a recluse again. I simultaneously want, and don't want to become reclusive again - genuine ambivalence - a feeling I know I definitely don't want. I hate conflicting thoughts.

Somebody needs to offer me a way out. Somebody needs to wave a hand in the air and shove me into another system - somewhere that has both structure to keep me sane, while allowing me a little freedom to get myself back together. It's a pity I can't play devil's advocate with life, pouting and claiming that "of course, such 'systems' don't exist outside of college, do they?". Unfortunately I have the sneaking suspicion that for the majority, indeed they don't.

Helpless and useless is not a constructive self-image. I'm tired of suggestions - somebody just put me somewhere else (mentally, not necessarily physically) and give me something entirely closed and self-contained to do, please?

i haven't seen it yet either, toby has though. Let me just check with a friend from work first coz we were muttering something about seeing it, not sure if that's happening though.

That'd be cool. I've not seen Wallace and Grommit either...

Am currently entering a film-watching phase as I've got a season ticket for the union cinema.., those tend to be rather either old or arty, though.

were you thinking about seeing Tim Burton's latest offering?

*shouts* yes, please, I have a distinct lack of social life at the moment :P

I'd love to go to the cinema but I'm miles away.

If anyone else considers going to the cinema to be a useful way to escape existence for a few hours and would like to do so soon, please shout.

"For indoor and outdoor use"? Use *how*, exactly?

8ft inflatable tigger anyone? ;)

*applies random de-stressing LEGAL herbal remedies to everyone on pw* ;)

nettles. Aww *gives everyone a hug* Work isn't much better, it's incredibly busy at the loans desk, mix that with students who don't understand english and some that just don't want to unstand it and you can imagine the queues and stress :P hmm, i'm sure putting away 224 slides in one go is bad for your eyesight, oh well, it kept me amused yesterday afternoon :P

Just about. Won't be soon, this year is going to get very nasty, very quickly.

Barely. My arm hurts - damn nettles. My brain also hurts, but I doubt that can be blamed on nettles.

anyone alive? ;)

If you click on this link and select the short 'more than words' video you can see where I work (if you feel so inclined - and i don't mean at 45 degrees) :P Look very carefully and I appear for about half a second behind the issue desk

<--- pirates? ;)

Woot, 1500 posts on newbeck.

Anyone still interested in a warbeck IRC channel?

hopefully not this kind of ruff though, or this ;)

Having just re-read my post, I had images in my mind of ruffs that gave you compliments. Suppose it would keep people with egos happy and help boost those of non-confident individuals. Imagine going to a psychologist and being 'prescribed' a complimentory ruff, and having to explain to your boss why you were wearing it, cool :P I want that ruff btw, mmm... purple ;)

and you could give a complimentory ruff to the first 10 buyers ;) I've decided that i'm suffering from beginning of term insanity btw, or perhaps that's just an excuse :P

Were we ever to sell t-shirts, "I wonder what 'good' feels like... trifle?" would be pretty much as good a slogan for them as we could get.

lol, yes, um, I just read my last post again, I really do need to watch less tv :P Actually, prolly less films to, that very nearly turned into a luke skywalker speech... "I feel the good in you..." not turning to the dark side are you toby? ;) I wonder what 'good' feels like. hmm, like trifle? :P

er... yeah... whatever. BIG HUGS. (Or HIGs as I mistyped it the first time, which was (conf/am)using.

WARBECKTV would be insane. (yeah, I can't be arsed to do the colours)

And next on WarbeckTV, this week's Home and Away Omnibus edition.

Have you ever considered that perhaps it's just as much that the supervisors, etc. don't communicate well with you as it is the other way round? You're being so critical of yourself which hurts because I see so many good qualities in you, so much knowledge and understanding which I really envy and admire. I just wish that someone in a position to guide you could see that and actually give you the support you need. I'm not about to blatently lie and say there's nothing different about you, quite frankly i'd be disappointed if there wasn't. That doesn't make your qualities bad though, just makes your life a little more challenging. With that in mind, to actually be in a position where you've got through the degree, with a 3rd project from hell, i am really proud of you (that always sounds patronising but is not meant to). I do understand what you feel, I've spent most of my life thinking in a similar way and I also understand now how you feel when I criticise myself too. I'm not particularly brilliant with advise i'm afraid but you do have my understanding and as much love as you could possibly need. I hope you find what you're looking for soon and with as little pain as possible (corny i know, sorry) ;) If I can help you I will, even if it's just someone to love and rant at ;)

I see rather too much truth in the article myself. It is blatant generalization and frankly overtly rude and bigoted to boot, but the underlying principles it is trying to convey do have some elements which can be identified with. People are genuinely guilty of overestimation of their peers, which may be seen as a two-sided blade. On the one side, this indicates the vast majority of individuals have a remarkably positive view of the human race and its abilities - something to be encouraged and valued. It is, however, somewhat naive to assume that every individual on the planet is as well balanced or capable as you would expect, or that they have the same framework of motives as you (an aspect which is frequently misunderstood and hence branded stupidity).

Expressed in the manner of the article, it is easy to dismiss the "stupidity" argument out of hand as being a function of the upturnedness of the author's nose. I would certainly not advocate the stance taken towards classifying individuals as "stupid" for the purpose of avoiding or ridiculing them. Nevertheless the article does bear studying for its underlying psychological and social implications, whether unfounded or otherwise. It's certainly food for thought.

I read through some of that article before and stopped reading because of how angry I was getting.

I worry about stuff like that getting widely distributed and people agreeing with it. Much of it seemed to me to be of the opinion that people are "better" if they are "more intelligent", which I strongly disagree with. Their disapproval of doing things for no benefit for yourself because it is "less intelligent" seems particularly weird and not an attitude I'd like others or myself to have.

Maybe it changed tone later in the article, after I'd stopped reading. I'm aware that it's meant to be funny... I'd just hope it was trying to be funny by putting forward a deliberately ridiculous viewpoint, rather than "telling it like it is".

Y'know, I'm having serious reservations about this whole PhD thing, and have had so from the outset. It seems like there isn't a day or two that goes by where I don't have this huge sinking feeling, reminiscent of my 3rd year project on some kind of nightmarish loop. Every time I get like that, I try to persuade myself that it doesn't have to be a disaster... then I get to looking at the material I have to work with and all those good intentions start to ring hollow once again.

Time to bail out of this ship before the water gets above waist level, I think. After some deliberation, the only option I can see is to suggest to my supervisor that maybe hardware was a bad plan, and perhaps a software project might restore my confidence. I hate, with a burning passion, having to admit defeat with projects, especially when (on face value) I could do them. The sad fact is that I am basically completely inept. I could not organize a piss-up in a brewery. I have sod all to recommend me in the form of finished projects, owing to my abysmal lack of concentration and will-power. I basically cannot communicate at anything other than a social level - the whole reason for the failure of most projects I have undertaken can be attributed to my inability to communicate with my supervisors/teachers/group members. To top it off, I usually can't tell (and neither can anyone else) when I've got into something I can't handle - I'm certainly useless at gracefully removing myself from sticky situations.

There are many things I'd like to do with my life. There are many projects I'd like to complete, many places I'd like to visit, many experiences I'd like to have had and many I still hold some tiny hope of realizing. There are altogether too many perceived personal failures and missed opportunities clouding my mind to let me get a clear picture of where I want to go next. The best I seem to manage is to cling desperately onto the passing ideas and personalities of others, on occasion probably unwittingly impeding their progress as a result. I dislike being a limpet to other people's enthusiasm and abilities, but it's the only way I seem to get anywhere at all. Even imposing upon others, I still seem to end up being sat at the bottom of the pile once all the fuss has died down - after all, it was never my fuss to begin with, why should I come out on top?

I dunno. My life has a nasty habit of plateauing on me recently. Not the kind of semi-satisfied stability - that would be quite welcome - but rather a kind of longing. A longing for something which I cannot put into thoughts, let alone words, because my lack of imagination is at least part of the problem.

At the risk of sounding like an emergent Goth, does anyone understand me?

It's actually immaterial whether anyone understands me or not. The very act of writing an publishing my thoughts usually serves to help. It's kinda ironic that the very form of communication which I despised so much at school turns out to be my savior in so many dilemmas. Still, this is an issue above and beyond what I alone can deal with. I'll get help as soon as I know what help I need. People cannot read my mind, a fact for which they would no doubt be eternally grateful for if they had any idea of the mess routinely generated in the prison between my ears. I must communicate my ideas to others, a fact made difficult when said ideas are fundamentally incompatible with both language and the frame of reference of most of the human race. Only by forcing my mind through the disciplined mould of the written word can I gain any communicable detail to the amorphous clouds that are my unformed thoughts.

What is usually required is time. Time is usually what I have little of.

*sigh*

I'll formulate a plan eventually. At least, here's hoping. Hope is a funny thing - about the closest I ever get to religion.

Never have truer words been spoken, c.f. America.

hehe, yes ;)

Alternatively one could poke the gnomes with sharp, pointy objects until they bleed. Or not.

did someone mention gnomes? ;)

Congratulations jimmy for finding yet another truly random website :P
The short loan section has opened again at work so i'm likely to be posting more often now, whether that's a good thing is for you to decide ;)